Master Tells Jokes

The other ones said, "Right, right, right!" All the snails clapped their hands.

Another one made a more glorious statement like, "Wow! We have never had such a merciful snail before in our lives!" All the snails clapped their hands. The other ones said, "Yes, yes, yes."

Another one made a more glorious statement like, "Wow! Such a compassionate snail we can never find in this world."

The other snails said, "Yes, yes, yes. Of course, only the Supreme Golden Snail could be so compassionate!"

Then another one said, "Wow! You know what? I think our Supreme Snail is the only one that can get in touch with God in one lifetime, and even give us the opportunity to do so." So, everyone applauded, hurrahed, and everything like that sort!...

The Golden Snail, the Supreme Master Ching Hai incarnated last time (supposed to be,) was agitated and felt kind of restless. So, the assistant snail, which was the color between silver and golden and had two horns a little bit shorter than the horns of the so-called Golden Supreme Snail, she asked, "Master, what is it that is making you feel so agitated. I feel that you are not so restful. Didn't you hear the praises of your disciples, the snails?" [(Master speaking on the aside: Well, I think it is suitable for us because we go at such a slow pace. So, if I called you snails, it's all right, huh? But by the way, I didn't call you. It was the one supposed to be from the previous lifetime (Master and audience laugh) when we had not developed sufficiently.)]

So, the attendant snail asked the Golden Master Snail, "Why is it that Master is so agitated?" Because she knows that the Master Golden Snail loves to hear praises, applause and things like that. So, the Master kept silent for a while. Then the snail kept pressing further, the attendant, "Master, didn't you hear the praises of your disciples? They said that you are compassionate, you are wise, you are intelligent, you are beautiful, you are glorious, you are God-realized, you are the one and only in the whole world of snails. That's great!"

So, the Master Snail said, "How about my humility? They didn't even mentioned it!" (Laughter and applause)

ĦiMaster Tells JokesĦj====================

They were talking in the middle of dinner or lunch, and suddenly there was an earthquake; very, very, very strong -- 9.9 on the Ching Hai scale. Everyone was running as fast as a snail could; here and there, up and down, in and out. They bumped into the glass door, and everything. It was all very chaotic. The house of the snails was shaking like this and all their horns were kind of twisted together. The earthquake lasted about three minutes in these circumstances.

After the earthquake finished, everyone went back to their seats and said, "Wow, thank God that's over!"

The Supreme Master Snail was sitting there with Her horns up. (They don't have noses, they just have horns.) She just stuck Her two very long and fat horns up in the sky, and was quiet for a while until the disciples could not bear it any longer and asked the Master, "What is it?" Because they knew every time the Master stuck Her golden horns like that, She is about to make a very grand statement, some big lecture of how to become Buddha in one second, things like that. So, they were very, very nervous and expecting. But the Master kept on sticking the horns up and didn't say anything.

Finally, the half-golden and half-silver attendant said, "Please, be compassionate, oh Master. What is it? Tell us the great thing that You have in Your mind now? Don't hesitate longer for all sentient beings are thirsty for the Truth."

So, the Master slowly descended Her horns to an ordinary level of consciousness so that all the disciples could understand. If Her horns were too high, I don't think the ordinary sentient snails could ever have caught up. Now She lowered Her horns up to here, like this and said, "Did you see I was very calm during the earthquake?" (Laughter and applause)

All the snails said, "Oh, yes, Master! Oh, yes!"

The Master continued further, after a pause so that people felt more appreciative, "Did you see that I didn't run here and there like all of you fools?"

The disciples said, "Of course, of course." And all their horns clapped together in unison to praise the Master.

Now the Master Snail said, "Did you see that I calmly sat here, sipping tea while you were running here and there like that?" The disciples said, "Yes, we saw You calmly sitting here drinking, but that was the soy sauce that You drink, not the tea." (Laughter and applause)

ĦiMaster Tells JokesĦj====================

Some old folks living next door, put on their convex glasses to have a look. They looked again and again, and felt strange. They said, "No matter what kind of clothes they are wearing, they should have ironed them."

I went to Art-Land Gallery in Wanchai to see the "Become One With The Universe" exhibition yesterday, and could not help thinking of the relationship between the artist and nature. The artist is a living master. As a person is full of the feeling of power, the painter's comprehension of power is, of course, different from ordinary people's. (I have never been to of Suma Ching Hai's lectures.) Like an ordinary person going to an art exhibition, feels the expression of vitality, the wisdom of creativity and talent of the painter. The subject expressed by the painter is the nature of art. The painter is depicting the atmosphere of nature and the universe. Perhaps in knowing the painter is a master, physically, we will have a natural tendency to think deeply of the true meaning of the artwork, and maybe here we shall have another realization.

The concept of beauty "Become One With The Universe" has a profound influence on Chinese art. This sort of thinking is a kind of concept between "man and nature". This concept of "Become One With The Universe" and "Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism supplementing one another" exist in ancient Chinese spiritual areas and traditional art concepts. This concept of "Become One With The Universe" has been mentioned by the ancient scholar Change Zai in his work of "Cheng Meng, Chiang Cheng"; and this kind of thinking model, to express the ever-present "Tao" or "Heaven," man and nature, "I exist in you, you exist in me," is a kind of harmonious co-existence. Many artists support the idea that mind and body are one, just as Bernard Bosenquet has said, "Without idea, objects would be incomplete, whereas, an idea without objects is also not complete."

On studying Suma Ching Hai's paintings, one cannot help feeling that She has a peaceful mind: "Enlightenment is not equal to having knowledge." During the process when the human mind turns inward and searches, it pushes what it feels and touches, or what the five senses can feel, into the changing forms and colors. So, the painting expresses the form that comes from the feelings of things that exist around you, and beauty also comes from the inner mind of the painter. This painting exhibition does not have a strong religious sense. What the viewers can feel is a calm and quiet atmosphere, sort of enlightened, understanding the paintings as if there is a saintly light shining on your spiritual center. If there are no feelings, what one sees with the eyes is only the superficial phenomenon of the objects.

(An exhibition of Suma Ching Hai's paintings, "Become One With The Universe," is being held at Art-Land Gallery, from the 13th to 23rd of May.)