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  Current Topic : Cultivate a Happy Marriage
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Dealing with Affairs of the Heart

Spoken by Supreme Master Ching Hai, Singapore,
March 9, 1993 (Originally in English) Videotape No. 328

Q: Dear Master, how does a man cope when he's been married unhappily but then falls in love with another married lady?

M: You have to look to your own marriage and see whether it is absolutely not salvageable, amendable or improvable. Or whether you are seeking love in another relationship just as an excuse for your own pleasure. Because it's already troublesome enough to have one marriage. So it is better if we can take care of our marriage relationship. I know it's difficult; everything is difficult in this world. But that doesn't mean it's impossible.

Talk to your wife about where the problem lies. But don't talk to her about your affair, please. If you talk about that, there may be no more solution. It's alright; if you think it was a mistake, you may try to cut it down or forsake it. But talk to your wife about how to improve your relationship: where she is failing, or where you are failing, and where you need her attention or improvement, or where she needs you.

Talk to each other. Buy new presents for her; buy a beautiful dress for her. Adorn her with beautiful things; make her your beauty. Make her the beauty of your life, instead of spending time and energy on somebody else's woman. Because you don't possess her anyhow. It's better to take care of what you have, and not waste time and energy on other people's possessions. It doesn't matter how much you like the neighbor's car, you don't go and spray gold on it. Spray it on your own car! Take care of your car, because you drive the car and you need it every day. The car is necessary for you. The neighbor's car you can admire quietly, but don't spray gold on it. Don't look after it too much and neglect your car. One day maybe the driver of the neighboring car will drive that car away, and suddenly you will have to go without anything. Your car is in the garage, broken down, uncared for, and now you are in trouble.

So work for your marriage, if you think it's worthwhile. And then also, at the same time, respect other people's marriages. It hurts to forsake the things you love. But think of the other man. If you were in his position, would you feel happy? Would you not prefer your wife to be faithful and devoted to you? So make your wife a good wife, and make yourself a good husband. And make the neighbor's wife also become a good wife to her husband. That would be the best solution, if you don't find a better one.

Thank you for trusting me with your personal family problem. But this is also very important. If your heart is not peaceful, no matter how many wives you have, your business and everything will go wrong. It's better to be satisfied with what you have, and take care of it and beautify it. Make it more beautiful and more suitable for your taste. Just like you cultivate your garden and plant your roses, make what you have more beautiful for yourself.




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